It is. And I am.

So after a couple weeks of happy, lovey-dovey, I'm totally doing this mom-of-two thing posting, germs spread rampant all over our house 

(remember the souvenir we brought back from Hiawatha?), and I've now been in the pediatrician's office at least once for the last four weeks.  

I kind of didn't want to post about it because I felt a bit embarassed as if I was talking out of both sides of my mouth.

Side one - Being a mom is the most magical thing in the world!  

Side two - OMG, someone come help me.  Please.  Handling three meals and two snacks for Henry, approximately seven feedings for Nelle (oh and she refuses to take a bottle STILL), maybe 12 diaper changes, six breathing treatments between two kids, two baths, antibiotics to give, and countless tissues used to wipe up snotty baby noses EVERY DAY is hard, exhausting, selfless work, and I'm drowning.  

It is.  

And I am.

Drowning in love for my babies.  Drowning in desperately wanting them to feel better.  Drowning in frustration and anger that we are sick in the first place and can't seem to kick it.  Drowning in a sense of failure that our house is a disaster.  That dinner isn't ready on time.  That I keep lose my patience.  That I just want an hour to myself.  Or just twenty minutes.  Or even just five.  And then feeling guilty that I want to leave my sick children for even just a bit.  Drowning in I miss seeing my friends and am sick of being quarantined to our house.  Drowning in I wish my parents lived in town for times like this.  Drowning in I hate giving Andrew the look when he gets home after a long day at work and asks how my day was.  

Drowning in disdain for this freaking winter weather and would it just be spring already?   

And then a revelation.  

(After a good cry on my knees with Nelle strapped to me in the Moby, and a plea and a prayer for some clarity, help, and bedtime.)

Meltdown city because he couldn't get the key to come out.  Because it's not supposed to come out.

Is it really talking out of both sides of my mouth when it's true?  There are major ups and downs in parenthood.  When your world is centered around little people that are completely dependent on you for everything, and these little people are emotional, and irrational, and experiencing so much for the first time, yearning to be independent when most of their day is directed for them, yet still needing so much, of course there are going to be major swings, up and down.  And how sweet are the ups after riding out the down?

I ran a few errands by myself this weekend.  Made good dinners that even our unpredictable toddler ate.  And enjoyed a cup of hot tea yesterday afternoon while Nelle napped, and Henry and Andrew did yard work outside.  Oh, that was nice. 

Henry's two week ear infection and bronochiolits are healing.  He's almost done with his antibiotics.    We're halfway through our breathing treatment medicine.  Nelle's RSV check-up appointment this morning signals she's weathering this as best as she can, and this afternoon I'll take her to a bronchiolitis clinic at the hospital to get all the gooey crud in her nose, throat, and chest sucked out.  

 

And wouldn't you know it...I think we're on our way up again.