Slow and Steady
Our life is much different now since I'm not working "full-time". I'm not in a constant state of blurriness and chaos from trying to work, run a business, be a mother, wife, friend, volunteer, walk the dog, get everyone out the door in the morning, try to keep our house from crossing the line of needs-to-be-cleaned to absolutely-filthy-I'm-so-embarassed-if-anyone-sees-we-live-like-this. Oh, and grow a human.
A part of me thinks I had grown accustomed to the crazy, and the never-finished to-do lists, the exhaustion, and the busy.
Busy is a dirty word. I'm so over busy.
But, guess what?
I had learned to thrive on busy. I almost felt like I needed busy.
And now I don't have to.
I'm relearning what drives me. Quiet. Spending time with my husband again - every day. Being a creative mother that can be more present.
A calendar with empty days. That's the hardest for me.
A full day to fill? Am I going to be bored? What do we do?
Everything I wanted to but never had time to before.
I'm learning a new pace - in all aspects.
That means it's okay if I don't work every minute available during the day. And if we don't do anything productive around the house while Andrew is gone, it can get done tomorrow. (Although I think cleaning the kitchen after every meal totally counts.)
--
In terms of the bun cooking in the oven, my running pace is slower. And limited to shorter distances.
My get-off-the-floor, don't move-too-fast pace had better be slower or I'm as dizzy as can be...
apparently that's a pregnancy symptom I didn't experience before.
I thought for sure if I felt at all different with #2's pregnancy that I would automatically assume that we were having a girl this time.
And there are a lot of things that are different, but just ever so slightly.
Just enough to make me think, "maybe things are different because I'm chasing a toddler all day," or "because I was working two jobs,"
or because "every pregnancy is different."
Whatever it is, my body feels this pregnancy differently, and I'm not convinced on the gender either way.
Andrew, however, is convinced come December Henry's going to be a big brother to a sister as pregnancy brain has taken over my normal brain. Simple, everyday tasks get the best of me every day. Today I got the coffee pot ready for my cup of decaf, flipped the switch and came back in a few minutes to realize I had never transferred the water from the pot to the machine to actually brew the coffee. Yesterday I couldn't remember for the life of me what the bird with the crazy colorful huge feathers that stick up in the back is called...penguin? I know it starts with a p...oh shoot, yes, peacock. And don't get me started on how many times I've buttered both sides of my toast in the morning without realizing it and then being dumbfounded on where to put the jelly. Or gone out to run errands, Andrew calling after to me to fill up the car with gas,
and wouldn't you know...I never remember to. I could go on for days if I could remember all the absent-minded things I've been doing. You'll have to ask Andrew. He'll give you an ear-full.
--
Whenever this baby is going through a growth spurt, I am beat.
Like this week.
When coincidentally, Henry has been fighting his afternoon nap like he's 10 rounds into the center of the ring with it.
And when the Ham doesn't nap, neither does the mama.
Although the lying down with my eyes closed willing him to sleep does at times produce movement from the little one for the past five days or so.
It still takes my breath away. And is as grin-producing as the first go 'round. And made me feel like Christmas morning when I told Andrew
I had just felt the baby move for the first time.
So this new pace? It's slower, and it's taking time to get accustomed to, but it's oh-so sweet.
A part of me thinks I had grown accustomed to the crazy, and the never-finished to-do lists, the exhaustion, and the busy.
Busy is a dirty word. I'm so over busy.
But, guess what?
I had learned to thrive on busy. I almost felt like I needed busy.
And now I don't have to.
I'm relearning what drives me. Quiet. Spending time with my husband again - every day. Being a creative mother that can be more present.
A calendar with empty days. That's the hardest for me.
A full day to fill? Am I going to be bored? What do we do?
Everything I wanted to but never had time to before.
That means it's okay if I don't work every minute available during the day. And if we don't do anything productive around the house while Andrew is gone, it can get done tomorrow. (Although I think cleaning the kitchen after every meal totally counts.)
--
In terms of the bun cooking in the oven, my running pace is slower. And limited to shorter distances.
My get-off-the-floor, don't move-too-fast pace had better be slower or I'm as dizzy as can be...
apparently that's a pregnancy symptom I didn't experience before.
I thought for sure if I felt at all different with #2's pregnancy that I would automatically assume that we were having a girl this time.
And there are a lot of things that are different, but just ever so slightly.
Just enough to make me think, "maybe things are different because I'm chasing a toddler all day," or "because I was working two jobs,"
or because "every pregnancy is different."
Whatever it is, my body feels this pregnancy differently, and I'm not convinced on the gender either way.
Andrew, however, is convinced come December Henry's going to be a big brother to a sister as pregnancy brain has taken over my normal brain. Simple, everyday tasks get the best of me every day. Today I got the coffee pot ready for my cup of decaf, flipped the switch and came back in a few minutes to realize I had never transferred the water from the pot to the machine to actually brew the coffee. Yesterday I couldn't remember for the life of me what the bird with the crazy colorful huge feathers that stick up in the back is called...penguin? I know it starts with a p...oh shoot, yes, peacock. And don't get me started on how many times I've buttered both sides of my toast in the morning without realizing it and then being dumbfounded on where to put the jelly. Or gone out to run errands, Andrew calling after to me to fill up the car with gas,
and wouldn't you know...I never remember to. I could go on for days if I could remember all the absent-minded things I've been doing. You'll have to ask Andrew. He'll give you an ear-full.
--
Whenever this baby is going through a growth spurt, I am beat.
Like this week.
When coincidentally, Henry has been fighting his afternoon nap like he's 10 rounds into the center of the ring with it.
And when the Ham doesn't nap, neither does the mama.
Although the lying down with my eyes closed willing him to sleep does at times produce movement from the little one for the past five days or so.
It still takes my breath away. And is as grin-producing as the first go 'round. And made me feel like Christmas morning when I told Andrew
I had just felt the baby move for the first time.
So this new pace? It's slower, and it's taking time to get accustomed to, but it's oh-so sweet.
This post is making me cry! Ok, so I've cried like 5 times today. Add emotional wreck to the list of symptoms and I'm right there with you :) XOXO
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