A Gut-Check and Unrelated Pictures of my Ragamuffin Kids

You know when you're going, going, going, and then all of a sudden you have this epiphany moment (or week in my case), where you're like, "this is all so, so good, but it's not all so so good FOR ME."? 

I had one of those moments.  Or a few really.

I alluded to the fact that I was changing things up for myself professionally on Insta last week, and it all really boils down to I need to work less.  I'm in this amazing spot with my work so it's difficult to explain or maybe understand.  You want to work less when you're in demand??

My clients are THE best.  I'm so incredibly fortunate to work with fantastic families who value and appreciate me as a photographer and friend.  And my calendar is full pretty much year round, and usually I start my busy season around September, but this year it feels like I've been in busy season since the middle of July and that's with turning away potentially really great clients because I've realized my limits and I'm above that threshold.  And then some.

I missed June last week.  I miss reading her books, and singing her a lullaby and putting her to bed.  I miss family dinner even if it's normally only 20 minutes long, and the kids are wild and don't always eat well...I miss that time where some days it's all we get together.  I miss time to just be.  I miss time to sit and talk with Andrew instead of just sitting beside him only halfway present while we watch TV and I check and answer work emails.  My kids miss the consistency of our daily routine, and they miss ME.

Last night I got home from a really wonderful shoot, and Henry was waiting in his room for me to come tuck him into bed.  I decided to lie down with him for a bit because it's been too long since I did that, and he's been more than a handful lately (read - lack of consistency is a nightmare with him at this stage), and I just felt like we both needed to reconnect in a positive way instead of butting heads like it has been too much over the past few weeks.  He was enamored.  Giggled and got so snuggly, and said after I had been with him for maybe a mere minute and a half, "I love when you spend time with me, Mommy."

My heart sank.  I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it again.

That gut-check is also incredibly reassuring that by limiting the amount of work I take on next year (and putting 100% of work me into those to make them STELLAR and intimate and personal and unique with lots of attention to detail and customer service), will let me be.

Be with my family more, be present, and just be.

I want more space to breathe energy and creativity
into my personal and professional life.  

And just breathe.  

Changes are scary, but this is where my heart is.
Andrew is 100% supportive, and it feels right.

This is going to be amazing for me, my fam, AND my amazing clients. 

Deep breaths, deep breaths. 
It's all going to be just fine.