Saying Yes

From one of those days I said yes.

(And also from one of those days we didn't get Nelle's hair brushed 

and didn't wipe her face after snack...

but that's most days.)

 

I feel like my initial reaction to the kids is so often no, and my goal for the year is to be this softer place for them when the rest of the world is so hard. So saying no isn't always what I want to come out of my mouth, but spills out before yes. 

(Although clearly often times necessary because all of us here are on the same page 

that parenthood is a lot of having to say no -

because safety and boundaries and such.)

 

I'm always hesitant to answer when people ask me how I'm feeling during pregnancy, because overall I feel good. I had that terrible spell of migraines for a couple of weeks, and my lower back has been hurting for several weeks now because this is my fourth baby and he/she is LOW plus positioned down and towards the back. But, I don't have the typical debilitating symptoms so many women suffer with - nausea, heartburn, etc.

But dang I am tired.

This is my fourth baby in six years, and my body is tired. 

And there is no break.

I literally told Andrew a couple of days ago that I feel like the kids are suffocating me lately. We've had tons of time off from kindergarten, preschool and Kids' Day out between spring break and Easter, the weather has been gloomy and I let it put me in a funk, we don't have family in town that can offer some relief on a more consistent manner, both girls have been skipping naps on most days which leads to a lot of whining and fighting and crying, and no one wants to just sit on the couch with me in silence. It's the weirdest thing.

 

So, by the end of the afternoon after we've picked Henry up from school I find myself trying to recede into the background, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but either way doesn't feel like a win because darn that mom guilt that creeps in when I hear the kids playing together, and I think I should be on the floor with them spending a bit of uninterrupted play before we launch into the end of day dinner/bath/bedtime hustle. And every time I do it's good, and I'm glad I made the effort. But even so, sometimes no happens first.

So on this day I said yes to jumping on the bed and hiding under the sheets instead of saying no and just making the bed for the day (yes, at 4pm), and it was good, and I was glad I made the effort. 

Nelle keeps asking to do it again so remind me next time she does to say yes.

Also if you could tell my kids to take naps and sit on the couch with me 

and use inside voices that'd be cool too.