From one of those days I said yes.

(And also from one of those days we didn't get Nelle's hair brushed 

and didn't wipe her face after snack...

but that's most days.)

 

I feel like my initial reaction to the kids is so often no, and my goal for the year is to be this softer place for them when the rest of the world is so hard. So saying no isn't always what I want to come out of my mouth, but spills out before yes. 

(Although clearly often times necessary because all of us here are on the same page 

that parenthood is a lot of having to say no -

because safety and boundaries and such.)

 

I'm always hesitant to answer when people ask me how I'm feeling during pregnancy, because overall I feel good. I had that terrible spell of migraines for a couple of weeks, and my lower back has been hurting for several weeks now because this is my fourth baby and he/she is LOW plus positioned down and towards the back. But, I don't have the typical debilitating symptoms so many women suffer with - nausea, heartburn, etc.

But dang I am tired.

This is my fourth baby in six years, and my body is tired. 

And there is no break.

I literally told Andrew a couple of days ago that I feel like the kids are suffocating me lately. We've had tons of time off from kindergarten, preschool and Kids' Day out between spring break and Easter, the weather has been gloomy and I let it put me in a funk, we don't have family in town that can offer some relief on a more consistent manner, both girls have been skipping naps on most days which leads to a lot of whining and fighting and crying, and no one wants to just sit on the couch with me in silence. It's the weirdest thing.

 

So, by the end of the afternoon after we've picked Henry up from school I find myself trying to recede into the background, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but either way doesn't feel like a win because darn that mom guilt that creeps in when I hear the kids playing together, and I think I should be on the floor with them spending a bit of uninterrupted play before we launch into the end of day dinner/bath/bedtime hustle. And every time I do it's good, and I'm glad I made the effort. But even so, sometimes no happens first.

So on this day I said yes to jumping on the bed and hiding under the sheets instead of saying no and just making the bed for the day (yes, at 4pm), and it was good, and I was glad I made the effort. 

Nelle keeps asking to do it again so remind me next time she does to say yes.

Also if you could tell my kids to take naps and sit on the couch with me 

and use inside voices that'd be cool too.

Let's talk about this baby!

Because this little one is 20 weeks and some odd change (confirmed at this week's sono, thank goodness because I can't keep track), and because before we know it, #moorenumberfour will be here, officially due July 29.

 

 We are all just so excited to have another baby in the house! Four has always been my number, and Andrew is easily convinced. He tends to be more practical about things, like "how are we going to pay for four kids to go to college?", whereas I'm like I don't know, but we'll figure it out?! Or I joke that one kid won't go, one will get a scholarship for something so then it's really only necessary for us to pay for two kids to go to college. But in case they all do four go...anyone have an even million lying around? Ha. That's only the amount it's projected to cost when they're college-aged.

 

Like our other three kiddos, we're not finding out what we're having until baby arrives. I have no inklings on whether this baby is a boy or girl, but everyone else is saying girl around here. And Andrew is 3/3, so I might stock up on a bit of extra pink. We took the kids to go see the new Peter Rabbit movie last weekend, and I did totally project my own children into the lives of Peter, Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottontail (minus the no parents thing), and think that another girl would fit in just fine with our crew. Also, because Henry and Peter seem to have some very similar qualities. Mainly in the sense that Ham does whatever you tell him not to. He has asked for a brother (Henry, not Peter) since June was in my tummy so he very quickly said he wanted this one to be a boy when we told the kids we were expecting, but he's changed his tune and now says he wants another sister. I think Andrew is trying to prep him for being the only boy, but still, it's very sweet. He's super into the baby and rubs my belly all the time, and wants to give the baby a kiss every night before bed.

 

I'm sure we'll blink and it will be mid summer and I'll start panicking about how we're going to manage four kids, and then someone just remind me about 1st grade, and both girls going to preschool shortly after baby is born, and I'll panic a bit less...until I think about getting them all dressed, fed, and in the car in time to get to school, and then I'll just go hide in my closet because that hustle is the WORST right now, so what's adding a newborn to it?! Like I literally just told Andrew earlier this week that 7:30-8am is the absolutely worst/hardest part of my day right now. 

 

Getting to see this fourth baby this week was such a highlight. Four times we've gotten to do this, and four times everything has looked healthy, and we just feel so so fortunate. I just wanted to soak it all in, staring at that screen, looking at this little person that's both there and here. 

Little one we can't wait to meet you!